Friday, November 20, 2009
Would you believe that when we got married, I "demanded" that Carol have any and all Christmas decorations down by Dec. 26th? Daunted by the prospect of such a tight deadline, we spent the first three years together with only two stockings on the fireplace and a creepy looking nutcracker on the mantel. Not even a tree! It was heaven.
But in the fourth year, a gust of "Who-the-hell-are-you-to-be-harshing-my-Christmas-mellow?" blew into the house. And the tree went up. And the wreath went on the garage. And cinnamon scented pinecones went on the heater vents. And none of it came down until around New Year's.
I admit I appreciate it now with the kids. Thanks, dear.
But anyways, Mocha, with your $50 credit to the JunkMail Etsy Shop, you can get your Christmas cards, maybe some bulk packs as Christmas gifts and even a birthday card for your son. (Though you might not want him to "screw the happy", y'know?)
The rest of you, thanks for entering! Make sure you're a fan on Facebook and possibly you could win the same thing as Mocha, but only one card at a time.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Saturday, November 14, 2009
We're clearing out last year's designs and are offering this holiday pack of ten cards for $5.00! Yes, that's only .50 a card! I did the math myself! With a calculator! Shut up!
This generous set of 10 matching cards features the following HateMail favorites:
RESTRAINING ORDER BE DAMNED, I'LL SEE YOU AT CHRISTMAS
TIME TO GET OUT THE FAT PANTS
GIFTS ARE SO 1990
MISTLETOE, SCHMISTLETOE. I'VE GOT MACE
You'll pick your own combination of quotes to make up this fun set. If you have a favorite and would like the same quote on all cards, please let us know in the 'message to seller' when you check out.
If you'd like a larger number of cards, shoot a convo our way and we'll make it happen for you.
Awesome. I know.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
So, here's a little sneak peek at a couple new designs gracing the Etsy circuit right now:
We walk up behind this guy, his wife and their brood of three, as they're making their preparations to leave. Alcohol sanitizer up to the wrists and hands held up in front of their faces to let the goop dry.
"Don't touch anything!" he yells at the little one, who looks to be about 3ish and probably has a long history of touching (and eating) things he shouldn't. When the green arrow dings, the five board the elevator like a crack team of surgeons; scrubbed and waiting to be gloved.
The smell of the citrus and rubbing alcohol is strong in the elevator and I wonder if the guy is concerned about the superbug he's creating with his enthusiastic use of hand sanitizer.
I find the idea of a superbug a totally fascinating concept. It's like Darwinism at its finest. Only the strong survive, so eventually we're left with only the ultimate of the species.
Then a thought hits me. What if neurosis is the ultimate trait for humans? What if I'm sitting here mocking this guy's paranoia and *I* end up being the guy who gets knocked out by H1N1 on some random elevator button because I wasn't phobic enough? What if the ultimate specimens of our species, and therefore the only survivors, are knuckle-bumping sleeve-sneezers who use Clorox wipes for Kleenex?
But I've started washing my hands whenever I can. Just in case.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Monday, September 21, 2009
My niece, who was 4 at the time, totally freaked. I was surprised since she was too young to be socially conditioned into thinking that sound was scary. Therefore there must be something inherently stamped into our wiring that tells us that stabbing violins are a scary sound.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
We leave for the National Stationery Show in NYC next week and things are getting hectic around here. Still so much to do, but we can't wait and we'll take a bunch of pictures for your viewing pleasure.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
I've devised a system of jelly-bean rewards since Jack's taking so much medicine. When he sees me drawing up a dose of evil antibiotic, he automatically puts his hand over his mouth and his eyes get really wide. The jelly-beans make it a bit more tolerable. The downside to this technique (besides the awesome nutritional profile, of course) is that if you've got a kid that won't eat anything, but is still managing to get some sugar-bombs in him, he turns into a complete maniac. One minute running loops around the house, the next minute, laying in a heap on the couch. The joys of parenting.
I'm hoping to get posting a bit more in the next week or so since we've got the Stationery Show approaching quickly. Hope everyone's staying healthy and happy and if you've got any advice for a streppy-toddler, pass it along!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
That kid sure is a trooper with all of the knocks on the head he's getting. Clearly, daddy's going solo on baby duty here.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Carol: I think the baby's not getting enough vegetables.
Me: But I fed him zucchini last week.
(I'll admit the kid doesn't get much in the way of veggies, but I do stuff him full of fruit.)
Carol: People always talk about how their kids hate vegetables and won't eat them. This is where it starts. I want our kid to like vegetables.
Me: But imagine what a pain in the ass that's going to be. We don't eat vegetables. So the kid's going to be five and liking/demanding vegetables and we'll have to specially prepare vegetables for him. Or send him over to grandma's to get his broccoli fix on. Or just tell him to shut up and eat his grilled cheese sandwich. Or convince him that corn chips are vegetables. Aren't potatoes supposed to be Canada's favorite vegetable? Put ketchup on fries and we'll call it a salad. I've yet to meet a kid who's complained about ketchup and fries.
Me: Okay, I'll dig up that bag of peas out of the corner of the freezer.
It's a good thing frozen foods don't have expiration dates.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
I have these theories which oversimplify life's problems, but give me little standards to live by which become etched in stone.
One of my first was, if you have roommates, only have one thing of milk in the fridge.
When I've had roommates in my life, I can honestly say they were the most excellent. And we would always share everything. Hence the one thing of milk in the fridge.
Then I would visit some friends, open their fridge and see four separate milk containers in the fridge. The psychology which occurs is astounding, yet so predictable. One person is inevitably less responsible than the other three. He wakes up, wants cereal, but hasn't gone out to replenish his milk supply. He innocently "borrows" someone else's milk, quite sure they won't mind.
But oh, they do mind. It's such a small thing, but once it happens a few times, it's like that little irritating sore that drives you nuts. You know it's coming and you almost revel in some sort of twisted satisfaction when you're proven right. And the irritation turns to pure unbridled hate. God help us all if he actually has the gall to "borrow" some cereal as well one day.
And when I bring up my theory, I used to get all kinds of excuses. "We like different milk." "I don't drink much, and he eats cereal like six times a day." Blah, blah, blah. And I would look at them in my very judgemental way and declare,"I give this whole arrangement ten months. Tops." And I was usually right.
But today I opened up my own fridge and saw two things of milk. Whole and skim. The ends of the spectrum. One for the kid, one for the wife. Me, I could care less.
Boy, I really hope they can make it more than ten months.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Monday, February 9, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A couple newbies in the shop later today:
Monday, February 2, 2009
I asked Jack what he'd like to take with him when he went down for his nap thinking he would want some loud toy or something. Nope, not this time - he wanted a book. Fair enough. I told him to pick out a book.
I'm not even kidding. He was clamoring for this book. I think it was the rainbow. I bet he's reading 'The Man Who Loved Corsets' right now...
Friday, January 30, 2009
Originally Posted September 12, 2007 - I just felt it was an appropriate retro entry, considering Carol's confession of her love of Targets.
After a crapload of years together, a lot of places have joint memories for Carol and I. Which makes referring to them easier, since we'll both know where we're talking about: this especially comes in handy with Targets, since Carol and I frequent almost every Target within a 75 mile radius of the Big D, and aren't that great with street names.
Case in point:
Carol: Any particular leanings for supper tonight?
Me: Um. Baja Fresh? Always a winner?
Carol: Sure, which one?
Me: There's that one near the Target where we almost punched out the manager, or the other one next to the Target where we bought the baby's crib. Remember that? What the hell were we thinking? Were we planning on strapping it to the damn roof of the car? Driving it home like it was some prize buck?
Carol: I'm liking the one near asshole-manager. It'll be closer to the Office Depot and I can pick up some supplies.
Me: Well, if you need an Office Depot, there's always that Target where we got the whole frickin bedroom ensemble for like 13 bucks on clearance. Remember that? I think that's the same one I got my car wash bucket for like a buck twenty-four. I love me my clearance deals.
Carol: You're missing the point. We don't need a Target, we need a Baja Fresh.
Me: OH! You know where'd be good? That Target where you almost killed us in the parking lot.
Carol: Ugh. I hate you.
She doesn't really hate me. She's just usually a very good driver who made one slipup one day and almost got us t-boned, and now she's resentful because she'd like to erase the event from memory, but instead it will forever be commemorated in my description of this particular Target.
But them's the breaks.
Well, they didn't look as awesome as I would have liked and my poor photo printer was sucking up the ink like crazy. So, I decided to take a piece of 12"x12" paper that I'd been hanging onto for eternity and cut it into nine 4" squares. The result turned out perfect for filling out a wall in the master bedroom:
Lee's a little freaked out that I used tacks to to put the pictures up, but I find that since the frames are so lightweight, it isn't a problem at all. Plus, I was able to easily reposition the tacks to make sure that the frames were perfectly square with each other.
Time: roughly 10 minutes (most of the time was spent positioning the frames on the wall)
Tacks: negligible. Nine tacks out of a package of hundreds that I purchased about 10 years ago. I suppose you could get all fancy and actually put picture hangers for all nine. That would probably run a buck or two depending on where you purchased them.
Frames: $7.50 (for all nine!)
Paper: $0.33 (On sale at Joann's a couple years ago)
I also scooped up this super-sweet canvas print in their 30% off sale:
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer.
I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot.
From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in.
Monday, January 26, 2009
Saturday, January 24, 2009
I'm also HUGE on doing things myself (in most cases - we won't discuss the plumbing in our master bathroom). You just can't beat that instant gratification when you finish a project - ESPECIALLY when it cost nearly nothing.
So, with this D.I.Why?! series, I'll do the best I can to lay out the costs involved in each project, as well as whether the project was easy-peasy or made you say 'WHY???'
Our first project is a memo board. The 2-year-old has been dragging around a couple pieces of foam board that I bought from the dollar store four months ago. I was going to use them for a signage project at a craft fair, but changed my mind. I needed a new memo board in my office because the old one was just gross and didn't match the decor.
First, I started with two foam boards from the dollar store:
I taped them together to create a thicker board:
I placed fabric over the whole assembly for measuring (came out to about 3-ish feet, by about 2 feet. Depends on how big your boards are. I left about 3 inches of extra fabric on each side, but you probably only really need 2") Oh, and iron your fabric before you get started. (.....duh, Carol)
I stapled the fabric into the foam board because I was in a hurry and wanted to get this done as fast as possible, but I would suggest a more permanent form of adhesive. (Glue gun? Might melt the foam....)
Say 'hello' to the baby on the floor:
This is what it looked like after the stapling extravaganza (again, a quick press with an iron prior to assembly would've helped, but in the end, it didn't matter):
I took thin, chocolate-brown ribbon and stretched 9 lengths across the whole piece securing each one to the back with straight pins.
Then, I placed a dab of glue over each crossover of ribbon and inserted a pushpin to assist in adhesion. A better alternative would have been to use a brad of some sort, or maye even an upholstery nail, but I really wanted this particular color/design combination:
The Divoga pins came in a pack of 30 from OfficeMax and had all of the colors that I wanted to have in my new office layout:
The finished product:
I'm pretty happy with the way it came out. I might have to make some adjustments later on in the pins work themselves loose, but all-in-all, a worthwhile little project.
Total cost: $2.82 and 30 frenzied minutes out of my life.
Definitely an easy afternoon project.