Sunday, April 26, 2009

Only One Ripped Cover So Far. I'm On A Streak.

I've always been a sucker for games of chance.  As much as I might hate them, I'm drawn to them, with that grand delusion that I'm luckier than the average human being.  That somehow luck is a skill which I've honed.  Or I have ESP.  

(On a very long side note, did any one else go through about a 4 year period in their childhood where they believed that they had ESP?  Or at least the childhood version of ESP that includes telekinesis and anything else cool that you could possibly do with your mind?  And would you spend hours staring at spoons and glasses trying to get them to move?  And then finally give up and try to mentally summon the local poltergeist to come and just move the shit for you?  No?  Just me? )

The problem with games of chance is that you have to be prepared to lose.  And you should never bet more than you're willing to let go.  And the fickle hand of fate that deals winnings is the same that deals the losers.

Last week, when I got home from the library with the big one, I realized that taking kid's stuff out of the library is an awful lot like roulette.  We open up Richard Scarry's Mr. Paint Pig's ABC's and the "lift-and-look" flaps are all hanging precariously.  Will my child be the one who overexuberantly seeks out what happens as garbage truck backs up?  Or will the worn paper hold long enough to make it to another house?  So that another sheepish parent can go up to the librarian's desk and mutter, "My kid wrecked this book.  How much do I owe?"

My hands sweat and shake at bedtime storytime.  

Shuffle up and deal.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

The Secret To Life

Almost ready for the store...

Friday, April 10, 2009

I Vote "Stupid"...

When I was little, long before the onset of political correctness and Bugs Bunny bans, we played a game called "Guns".  Essentially, it was a ghetto version of paintball, but without the paintballs, so therefore based rather heavily on the honor system. 

And thinking back, the game didn't have much to do with aim either.  It was actually more like a game of visual tag.  All we really had to do was sight someone and yell, "Bang!  Got you!"

I can't tell if we counted as imaginative or just stupid. 

At first, I was going to make fun of the fact that we couldn't come up with a more inventive name than "Guns", but then as I was comparing it to "paintball" I realized that maybe shooting games just don't need fancy names.

I remember on one particular occasion, we were informed midgame that someone had called animal control on one of our dogs.  (Are we starting to sound a bit "Little Rascal"ish yet?)  The game stopped and all the players of both teams, dead or alive, came out to set up an "armed" barricade.  We hunkered behind bushes and garbage cans, just waiting for anyone to dare try and take this dog.

Again.  Imaginative or stupid?

I wonder what would have happened had an actual person shown up.  But we never got to find out.  Hours passed and eventually moms were yelling from porches.  We trickled off with our plastic chromed six-shooters and spared some unsuspecting dogcatcher a story he'd tell his grandkids.

And as I read about these Somali "pirates" , I can't help but see some similarity.  4 guys in a lifeboat versus the U.S. Navy.

Imaginative or...

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Maybe We'll Get To Meet Disney When They Thaw Him

I've always wondered what it would be like to travel into the past.  Primarily, I wonder how I would exploit it for my own gain.

There are some things that are no-brainers.  Invest in Microsoft.  Pick up a few first edition comics and rookie hockey cards and tuck them away for safe-keeping.  Don't buy an 8-track tape player or a Beta VCR.

I'm not that technically or mechanically inclined, but I wonder if I could "invent" a Blackberry or a Roomba.  

Anyways, I think Ray Kurzweil is from the future.  He's a rather nutty computer/artificial intelligence guy who makes these predictions about the future.  His track record has been decent, and he's made a few million bucks in the process.  And according to the wiki, he's friends with Stevie Wonder.  Who could ask for more?

But I was listening to an interview with Ray yesterday and he predicts that in the year 2045 we'll essentially be able to overcome the limitations of the human body through nanotechnology.  We'll have little robots flowing through our bloodstreams, fixing whatever's wrong and making things generally better.  Reversing aging, curing cancer, zapping sunspots, etc.

2045. He's very specific about it being 2045.

It's a 36 year wait, people.  We just have to make it another 36 years.  And then we'll be around for eternity.

Try not to die in 2044, okay? Man, would that ever be a gyp.

Friday, April 3, 2009


As anyone who knows me or follows me on Twitter or facebook, knows we've had a rough winter when it comes to illness in the house. Jack's got a lovely case of Strep that is sucking the life out of me, let alone him. But it really is amazing how one moment, they can be a rousing bundle of energy, and then when nighttime comes, they're sweaty, feverish and crying in your arms about how they're "soooooooo hot, mommy".

I've devised a system of jelly-bean rewards since Jack's taking so much medicine. When he sees me drawing up a dose of evil antibiotic, he automatically puts his hand over his mouth and his eyes get really wide. The jelly-beans make it a bit more tolerable. The downside to this technique (besides the awesome nutritional profile, of course) is that if you've got a kid that won't eat anything, but is still managing to get some sugar-bombs in him, he turns into a complete maniac. One minute running loops around the house, the next minute, laying in a heap on the couch. The joys of parenting.

I'm hoping to get posting a bit more in the next week or so since we've got the Stationery Show approaching quickly. Hope everyone's staying healthy and happy and if you've got any advice for a streppy-toddler, pass it along!