Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Retro Bloggage - Originally Posted July 17, 2007

I was perusing old blog entries and realized that we had made a shift to blogger at a point in time AFTER actually starting the blog.  Therefore, there's this little stash of blog entries which do not show up in our blogger page.  Yet.

In the interest of restoring and reinstating these entries to their rightful place in history (and also because there *are* days that I'm lazy, busy, tired, etc.)  I thought I might pull one out every now and then.  I realize that this will probably only save me for about 20 lazy days (or two months in real time)  but I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.


I have nine close friends.  We've pretty much known each other since high school, dreamed small, and stayed close.  With me, we're 10 guys.
10 makes for an interesting number, because it's easy to line us up with statistics.  If "4 out of 5 dentists recommend it", then 8 of us have a dentist who likes the gum.  If there's less than a 10% chance of dying from West Nile then it becomes a non-threat, since it means that we would need more people in our group in order to kill one off.  Sure, you statistics and logic people might not get on board with this train of thought, but it helps me sleep at night.
50% of all marriages end in divorce.  That means 5 of us will end up split up.  The third is happening now.  It hurts to see friends going through this.  And it's scary when real life gets this close.
But at the same time, there's a feeling of relief as the group inches towards meeting our quota without my inclusion. There's an odd part of me that believes that if only two more friends would split up, I'll be safe.  And I'm sure there's two other couples who are on shakier ground.  Communication, mutual respect and love stand for nothing.  I have faith in the longevity of my marriage because of the quota.
They say 1 in 10 people are gay.  I'm still waiting to see who claims that ticket.

Monday, December 15, 2008

No one told me...

...that dressing a toddler would be akin to wrestling a wild raccoon.

...that after years of learning to eat slowly, I would eat my dinner as fast as I possibly could.

...that after professing my hatred of boob-tube babysitting, I would rely on Barney in order to go to the bathroom in peace.

...that my once carefully decorated house would become a museum of primary-colored plastic.

I really could go on and on. Am I missing anything?

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I'm the nice one.

Lee's stocking:

Jack and Sam will be getting the same tag. Mine's the 'nice' one.
There's a few in the Etsy shop if you'd like some for yourself...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

It Looks Too Ferocious To Have Been Just A Raccoon...

Me: Hey, Carol. I think there was a bear in the boy's room.

Carol: What? What are you talking about?

Me: I think a bear got into the boys' room and was looking for something.

Carol: ?

Me: Well, apparently the bear must have gotten into the house, made his way into the boy's room and... he really needed a diaper.

Carol: What? Oh, that. Shut up.

Me: Well, at least the kids are safe.

(You should see the cereal boxes when she needs her Raisin Bran fix.)

On a totally side note, does anyone else with a Diaper Genie automatically think "poop sausage" every time they empty it?

Or is it just me?

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Joel McHale Is A Comedic Genius

For those of you who don't know about it or don't get it or just don't care, there's a show on TV called "The Soup" that summarizes and ridicules clips off TV from the past week.  Now, I don't get to watch too much TV, so I love this show as my half hour "Reader's Digest" version of everything that happened on TV during the previous week.

Well.  I'd like to "Reader's Digest" the "Reader's Digest" version and pick the funniest thing from "The Soup" this past week.
I don't know what's so funny about this.  I don't know if it's the whole I-see-London-I-see-France-ness, (which would mean I have the intellectual humor level of a 6 year old)  or if it's the fact that the guy's flossing while he's trying to be all serious or if it's the guy in the audience laughing "ho, ho, ho, ho"  uncontrollably.  But frankly, I think this is the funniest thing since forever.

Just saying.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Whether you support Prop 8 or not...

... you just can't beat Jack Black as Jesus.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Meet Hot Singles In Your Area

You know you're working late when the singles ads start running on TV.

You know you're working really late when the gay singles ads start running on TV.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Needless To Say, My Coffee Tasted Like Crap

This morning, I wondered if you could make milk from cream.  My reasoning goes something like this: as you take more and more cream away from milk, you're left with skim milk.  Which is essentially water.  There might be some crap still left in there, but if you ask any whole milk drinker, skim milk is just cloudy water.

So, I thought, if you took cream and reintroduced some cloudy water and beat the hell out of it, would it turn back to milk?  Hmmm...  interesting.  So cream and water could achieve milkhood.  And likewise milk should be exchangeable with cream and water.  

For those of you who think you can tell where this is going, I didn't put water and cream on my Cheerios.  (though I have tried putting melted ice cream on my Cheerios in the past)  No, today was about trying to make cream from water and milk.  No cream for the coffee, so I made the coffee extra strong (decreased water in the coffee)  and added milk (increased water in the cream)  so that it should have all balanced out.

But it didn't.  Sometimes logic makes no sense at all.  

Can I share a double mile-stone with you?  Yesterday the kid ripped his first hole in the knee of his jeans.  Pretty cool, huh?  And then, as I was getting them ready for the laundry, I found a rock in his pocket.

Oh.  We're heading down a dangerous road.