I Was Sure He Was Gonna Mention "Hell's Angels' Clubhouses" Next.

I've always wanted to be the type of person who might be categorized as a "Maven".  A person who some might consider an expert in a particular field, who tries to share their knowledge and expertise with others.

Not that people would necessarily be listening.  But I would try to share anyways.

Achieving "mavenhood" requires a certain amount of research and brainspace.  You need to keep up to date on all the cutting edge stuff going on in your particular field of expertise.  As you get older, it becomes harder and harder to maintain the maven status, because frankly, you just stop caring.  Or life comes along and replaces your interests with necessities, forcing you to give up the title of "Cell Phone Maven" and take on the new role as "Diaper Maven".  ( by the way, did you know that Canadian Huggies and American Huggies are *totally* different?  With Canadian Huggies, you might as well wrap your kid up in cardboard.  Honestly.  And that's the kind of junk a maven would pass along to you.)

Reviews are like crack to a maven.  Product reviews, Consumer Reports, Amazon star ratings all call to us with the promise of more insight and more information.

So, at a loss for a specific area of expertise, the other day I was watching a show on hardwood floors, thinking I might become the guy everyone comes to when they need flooring advice.  Not as glamorous as HDTV expert, but awesomely practical nonetheless.  The guy confirmed what I already had discovered: maples dent easily.  He didn't recommend them for high traffic areas.  But he then went on to make another statement where he recommended laminate flooring for high-traffic areas, using the specific examples of "young families" and "dog breeders".

Apparently, having a brood of dalmations running through your home is somewhat akin to having a few kids.  High traffic.  Piss and drool.  And if I don't get to them often enough, the click, click, click of nails on the floor.  

But he totally neglected the most important part: what breed?  I think mine are more of the beagle variety.