Thursday, November 20, 2008

There's a contest up in here, y'all.


Let's have a contest!


This year, we want you to tell us the worst gift you’ve ever received for the holidays.

Comments will be open until 11:59pm Wednesday, November 25th .

We’ll draw a winner out the comments using a fancy random number picker on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day (US).

What do you get? How about ONE OF EVERYTHING!!! We’ll send you the ENTIRE COLLECTION of HateMail and JunkMail greeting cards, as well as a 2009 HateMail 365 Calendar! This has an estimated retail value of $204.00! That’s a lot of dough, as well as a lot of special occasions COVERED. You’ll appear as though you’ve really got your shiz together when you pull out the appropriate sentiment at the perfect time.

Just go with your bad self.

So, get on with it! Tell us your most awful gift and be sure to check back on Thanskgiving day to see if your holidays just got a little sweeter.

63 comments:

JRLadies said...

Well, the worst gift that comes to mind happened when I was 10 or 11 years old. My family liked to do the 'open one gift the day before' thing and we were SO excited.

Apparently my aunt and uncle thought we could use some new shoes.

Not just any shoes.

Like tan canvas work boot type of shoes. For a preteen GIRL.

And because I wasn't gracious enough about their gift, they never bought me anything else again.

Figures.

Anonymous said...

a hideous robe i would never wear

Pearl said...

a paraffin spa which I wasn't allowed to return

3 Brats said...

potpourri...from my sister in law. Guess I thought about her the same way (total disgust) because I got her the same thing. Too stinkin' funny. Literally.
Melissa

Jodi said...

My boyfriend (now husband) gave me one of those horrible decorative bejeweled holiday cardigans, just like his mother wore.

Luckily his taste has improved a LOT since then.

2gales said...

Maybe not the worst, but bizarre. We received an open, used DVD of an incredibly cheesy movie. There was no explanation, but I'm guessing/hoping there was an inside joke in there somewhere. Still not sure, and it's from distant family members we wouldn't even know how to ask!

imelda said...

we have some family friends who buy us kids something every year who we never ever see ... like once every 5 years.

when i was in my teens, they would by us clothes. not that we didn't appreciate the though, but i recall getting some black sweater with a hideous graphic on it that i swear was for a 10 year old ... i was like 17. that stuff ain't gonna fit me. and the sad thing, i couldn't return it because they never leave the return receipt.

oh well, i'm glad they now only give us stuff that isn't clothing because buying clothing for people you never see is never a good idea

miss bliss said...

One year I put costume jewelry on my list, and my mother bought me these bad necklaces, as if she really thought I would use them for a costume! Thank goodness she lives far away!

Alicia said...

My grandparents seemed to think my little brother and I were each 50lbs heavier than we each were. Every year they'd get us shirts, pants, and coats of the XXXL variety (while we were wearing smalls).

Above all the 4 sizes too big white sweatshirt with kittens won.

corinne_babcock said...

I was about 15 and my aunt gave me a Betty Boop t-shirt, XXL - I'm a small.

Anonymous said...

I think the worst gift I can remember was those rubber things that go over your shoes when it's wet outside. Ok first of all I was 32 not 62, and I dont wear dress shoes to work or need to cover up my shoes. I can buy rain boots, or brave the weather...dare I?! I think they even came with little spike to put in for walking on ice... Ok seriously let me again "break this down." If it's so icy that I need spiky shoes in order to not bust my ass or fall on my kids, then we are not leaving the house......oh and buy the way they were not even the right size, nice!

N. said...

My ex-boyfriend once gave me roses: plastic roses. And they were spraypainted purple. The dewdrop jewels that clung haphazardly to them didn't do much to add to the, um...splendor.

nknguyen3 at gmail dot com

Jonnie said...

On our first Christmas together my now husband gave me a few things one being a shirt that was far too big. When I had a better look at it, it turned out to be a maternity shirt, with a tag that said maternal instincts. He was horrified and swears he didn't realize.

Bethany said...

The worst gift I ever got was from a boyfriend in college. I love socks, so he bought me a bunch for Christmas. However in the bag was a pair of old socks. I asked what they were for. He said "oh you left those in my bed the last time you visited." They weren't mine. That was our last christmas together.

Honeydew Studio said...

The first Christmas that my husband and I we were dating, I put a lot of time and effort into his gifts. I wanted it to be special.
In return, he got me a DVD. Which would've been fine...except that, at the time, I didn't even OWN a DVD player. And he knew it. It's not like "Surprise! Here's the DVD player to go with it!" Nope. Just a DVD I couldn't watch. :o/
Oh, and the same Christmas he gave me his old (used) desk. I had a desk already. Um...thanks?

(It's been almost 7 years since then, and he's improved by leaps and bounds! Thank God.)

rachkael said...

My grandma got me one of those huge makeup sets of questionable quality. Because "I wasn't using enough"

Thanks, Grandma.

Thanks.

Erin, maker of chimes said...

a random assortment of beefsticks and cheese dips...must've been a victim of last minute shopping!?

dinnertimechimes at aol.com

tiff said...

i received this ugly brown blouse from my co-worker for my birthday and while i'm sure she gave it to me with the best of intentions, it had to be the UGLIEST blouse I had ever seen. I don't think I would ever wear something as ugly as that even if someone paid me!

texan_michael(AT)yahoo(DOT)com

ltieu8 said...

Cartoon socks, where words are spelled wrong or clearly have grammar issues. "hapy bere today!"

yeah, it was pretty bad.

Kelli said...

A musical teapot. Really! You wound it up and it played some music box-like tune. I re-gifted it in a Dirty Santa game. If only I'd WON it in a Dirty Santa game instead of some family member thinking I needed a musical teapot. Yikes!

kellifrobinson2(at)gmail(dot)com

Carolyn said...

I received, from my hubby, a cute, but very tacky little bear holding a heart. Now, I don't collect bears, and it goes with nothing in my home, but that wasn't the point. I went to the 7 Eleven a week or so later, and they had them for sale on their shelves. Guess he ran out of time, huh? Then it was months before I could safely put it away without him wondering where the little bear went.

carolyn s
ceashark at aol dot com

Gwen said...

A HUGE plastic golden retriever. I'm a cat person.

jamie said...

My godmother gave me a huge plastic fake diamond.

Yeah, I don't even know what i was to do with it!

jamieislovely@gmail.com

Whimsical Creations said...

A hideous sweater that did not fit me from my mil...and it smelled like a cigarette butt 5mths later when I finally decided it was ok to give it to goodwill.

=) melanie
http://melaniescrafts.blogspot.com
melanieadey at hotmail dot com

Shelley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shelley said...

The worst gift would have to be a cat paper towel holder (with the sticker still on it from the yard sale!!!) when my mom was mad at me. It has been relagated out to the garage and we just laugh...yup...there is the kitty paper towel holder from the year "mom" was mad at us!! (Normally, she gives really good presents but obviously I was in the "cat" house that year!!

P.S. I had so much fun reading all the entries.

tskrush (at) cox (dot) net

Anonymous said...

Hotel soap, two of them in fact - you know, the little soaps you get for free at hotels. Still in the package from the hotel. From the in-laws. I thought they liked me and they act like they do. Oh well, it is the thought that counts and all...

jpecoski (at) uwo (dot) ca

sarah said...

I think mine will take the cake...

ok, so for our office Christmas present 2 years ago, my manager and the housekeeper put together gift bags to give to all the staff members. when i opened mine, i found cheap rusty hair clips, cosmetics that looked like they came from the dollar store and...are you ready?...St. Ives shampoo that was made in 1978! 1978!!!!!!! The bottle was so old, faded and gross that I didn't even know what to say. My manager and the housekeeper (both are good friends as well) are so cheap so I wasn't really surprised with the contents but man, I didn't expect it to be THIS bad! Turns out that they had put the things together from some donations they had received over the years and thought it would be so lovely to put a gift bag together without having to spend a dime. Everyone in the office got horrid gift bags...and I didn't bother asking them what they got. Anyway, I don't think I kept anything from the bag and dumped the stuff in the trash while walking home from work. No wait...I kept the shampoo and put it on my dresser to look at for a couple days. It was soooooo pathetic and sad. Then I tossed it out after I had done enough reminiscing about whether I should Ebay it or not with the promise of lovely, vintage locks from the 70s. Antique shampoo anyone? ;-)

fertawert AT yahoo DOT com

Maggie Sue Designs said...

I guess I've been pretty lucky with the gifts I've received because the only "bad" one I can recall is a perfume set of the most horrible smelling stuff! I don't remember the name of it but it contained 3 or 4 bottles of different sizes in a pretty box. But the stink~ UGH!
Happy Thanksgiving :)
~~Meredith aka Maggie Sue
http://www.maggiesuedesigns.com

Typhoid Ashley said...

Poor grandma. Her fashion sense is starting to go. For three Christmases now I've received a sweater that's better suited for a teenage girl with a flat stomach and love for boy bands. Did I mention I'm in my mid-twenties?

Hopefully this year it's a gift card.

Lee said...

Holy crap, you people are killing me. And also making me second-guess everything I've already bought and hidden away. Carol doesn't want electronics as gifts, so what's left besides bejeweled cardigans and hotel toiletries?

So far it sounds like if we were able to round up all your gifts (especially rachkael, Typhoid Ashley and Maggie Sue) we might be able to start up a pretty decent drag revue. Throw in Erin's beefsticks and we got a serious party up in here.

Carol said...

Well, I have to say, I thought it would be hard to beat Lee's gift of PLIERS to me on my 30th birthday. But honestly, a fake golden retriever? That's just pure awesome.

Hannah said...

worst gift? My aunt (who didn't know me very well) would send me a diary every year. even BEFORE I COULD WRITE. and then I was older (12-15 and so on) the diaries were themed Barney and Barbie Dolls. ...She meant well I'm sure.

Autumn said...

I think the worst gift I ever got was a used copy of a book about "Cat Art". It was pretty cheesy! (Not as bad as some other people's bad gifts though! I loved reading them all!)

I love HateMail, they're perfect cards for the wise-ass in me! :) Thanks!

Autumn
www.gedutisdesign.etsy.com
pinkladyfrnd@yahoo.com

fifbettie said...

My sweet husband thought that I would enjoy something like the "all nighter pregnancy pillow" (no really look it up). The thing is twice as tall as me! I was only 3 months pregnant So here I am wrestling with this thing every night because I don't want him to feel bad. Love that man

Angie (from JM) said...

LOL, this is too funny! My answer is easy...same answer for oh, about 8 years or so. Has to be the hairy scarf. Yes, my oh so thoughtful hubby bought me (yes, money was exchanged for this thing) this flourescent, technicolour, long, hideous hairy scarf. It wasn't just kind of furry, the thing was covered in seriously at least 5 inch flourescent hair. He saw it and thought it was "cool". Ummmmm, not quite!!! I gave it back to him. He wore it a couple of times but tossed it I think after everyone made fun of him relentlessly.

steph said...

My mom gives my husband and I each a cheap hair brush from the dollar store in our stockings EVERY YEAR.

Meka said...

As a teacher I've been *lucky* enough to receive all kinds of treasures in the last 8 years of my career. It makes my heart sing to know that those little darlings care so much... But, honestly, little Cal, did you reeeeally think that I would be pleased with that chewed up pencil you found lying in the dirt field behind the alley adjacent to the city dump? Seriously?

Meka said...

As a teacher I've been *lucky* enough to receive all kinds of treasures in the last 8 years of my career. It makes my heart sing to know that those little darlings care so much... But, honestly, little Cal, did you reeeeally think that I would be pleased with that chewed up pencil you found lying in the dirt field behind the alley adjacent to the city dump? Seriously?

Jennifer said...

Well, I can guarantee that my worst gifts are not as bad as some of these.

When I was a teen my mom always bought me the most out of fashion granny clothes possible. Recently All 3 of us kids were given 12 packs of wine glasses and none of us drink wine. Then last year my mom thought it would be great to give me gift cards. That would have been great except it was for the Disney Store. I don't shop there. I wound up buying my grandchildren Christmas gifts with it.

http://MondrysYknotShop.etsy.com
the_y_knot_shop@yahoo.com

L.o.v.e. said...

I received the cutest/ugliest sweater known to man. It was Bright purple and it had a Raised polar bear image with a snowy background. I say this sweater was the cutest because it would be perfect for a baby (think Geanimals.)It was the ugliest because received it when I was 21. I never wore it. But the giver always asks around Christmas why they have never seen me wear it. Maybe this year I will tell them that sweater sucked...lol

Mannie Vincent said...

Just underwear... A distant relative bought me just XL "granny panties"... I was SIXTEEN! She said "I don't want to you go around wearing working girl underwear" (referring to prostitutes and thongs/lingerie, I assume)! HAHA! What a hoot! Needless to say, she hasn't given me anything since!

♥Mannie
MVincent.etsy.com

AMOzarkian said...

Ugh - worst ever would be this ugly Bill Blass candle thing that you could soooo tell was re-gifting. It was like, a tall fruit-tree like thing in bronze wax. Truly hideous. I never had the heart to re-gift it to anyone, even an enemy - truly horrible. It finally melted so I felt okay throwing it out.

matilda sue said...

We have never been close to my father's family - and all of my worst gifts come from them. One year his parents sent me a stadium blanket (I was in 2nd grade) another year I got a class chess set (I have never had the patience to learn to play) and one year a set of christmas towels (I was in junior high). They finally started sending a family check - I think that was the best gift they ever gave us!

betty said...

when i was like 13 my aunt gave me a make up case that was a cooler. I think you are suppose to stick an ice pack in there or something and it'd keep your make up cool. Hmm...I was 13...didn't use make up...we live in SF so it's not like it's even HOT here....so...a cooler make up case....right on!

Alli said...

When I was in middle school, my cousin and I started exchanging gifts for Christmas since we lived next door. I put so much effort into finding her the perfect gift since I knew she was picky. I finally decided on a cute hat and gloves set and a CD, small but something. In return, my aunt had done her shopping for her and got me a hideous sweater. It was pastel striped and 3 sizes too big. I guess back then everyone thought I was larger than I was! It was awful and I had to return it for something I could actually use! lol

Wehaf said...

I got a Thomas Kinkade book once. *shudder*

urchiken at gmail dot com

Anonymous said...

The worst gift ever came from my mother in law. It was a sweatshirt with Winnie the Pooh and Piglet on it. It was from the childrens section and was 3 times to small for me. What was I supposed to do with it??

carriebourke@hotmail.com

kelly said...

The worst gift... body lotion that I had an allergic reaction to!

Thanks for the contest!

Amy said...

One year, my mother-in-law gave me a used candle. She normally gives great gifts that she puts a lot of care and thought into. My husband claims she must have been hitting the bottle when she wrapped the gifts! LOL!

Another year, the ladies in my office decided to do a gift exchange. We all drew a name and exchanged gifts over lunch...there were lovely hand-made soaps, potted plants, specialty teas and candies. When I opened my gift, it was an animated monkey in a Santa hat that sang "Wild Thing."

Life by the Handful said...

An Epilady. No further story necessary.

Anonymous said...

Oh my! These are awesome!

Autumn said...
I think the worst gift I ever got was a used copy of a book about "Cat Art". It was pretty cheesy!

This is the funniest book EVER and I would have to say the NEW copy I received is one of my favorite gifts ever.

The saddest, most depressing gift I received was when I was a 20 year old sophomore in college. My mom gave me a Black & Decker Dustbuster. I mean I wanted one, but for Valentine's Day? And from MY MOM? Uffda, eh?

Hildy
hilhashi@hotmail.com

Bek said...

Hmmmm....worst gift? That would have to be the spatula my husband gave me one year. In his defense, I HAD said that I needed a new spatula (ours melted) but it never occured to me that a SPATULA was freakin' gift-worthy. Sheesh. He has since redeemed himself.

Lee said...

I think we should have a big "white elephant" Christmas thingie! One man's junk is another man's treasure! Autumn hates "Cat Art" but Hildy thinks it's awesome.

I'm also noticing a theme where people are getting shirts that are 3 sizes too big or too small. So trades might help there too.

Dibs on the Epilady.

Anonymous said...

Hmm, the worst gift that I ever received would have to be a gym membership from my boyfriend. He meant well but it was a very bad idea! Needless to say I was not too happy!

katiecarolinadesigns@hotmail.com

Start To Finish Supplies said...

A vaccumm from my mother. I think that she was trying to tell me something. That was not a very exciting Christmas!

Tara said...

My husband is the worst. I have just given up. For all holidays. There was the year that he bought himself a new snowmobile on my birthday (not even a stinkin' card for me), or the laptop he bought me for Valentine's Day this year (which actually sounds like an awesome gift until I found out that he'd be playing online poker every night and I'd never get to use the thing), or the box of 48 Cadbury Easter Cream Eggs he bought me for Easter during my first year of university (did not help the first year weight gain at all). I won't even go into the number of kitchen items I've received over the years.
But last Christmas may just be my favorite ... new work gloves and work socks to wear to the barn (way to make a gal feel pretty) annnnd an HD package for the TV (all him).
It's a good job I treat myself right around the holidays!

Jenna said...

Every year, and I mean EVERY YEAR, my mother gives me a pack of unscented deodorant. I probably have the equivalent of three CASES stockpiled in the back of my closet.

Who uses unscented deodorant? Is it perpetually on sale? I'm annually flabbergasted by this weird little ritual of hers.

Practically Perfect In Every Way said...

pick me! i think you cards are asstastic!!

a 5 pound block of cheese and a costco size bag of pancake mix. well i was in college.

harvestorm said...

Having a very large (and very blended) family, we always held many and multiple Christmas celebrations each year. There were gatherings at each of the homes of our (divorced) parents and also at each of the homes of our (divorced) grandparents.

If it sounds confusing ... it was. And apparently it was not only we kids who got confused in all of this extended holiday hustle and bustle, one of my grandmothers clearly fell victim to the confusion on one Christmas that I will always remember.

The year was 1988, and I (like most other 12 year old girls at that time) was very much into the babe-o-liscious boy band, the New Kids On The Block. I was very excited when my grandmother passed out a handful of identical looking gifts to all of us kids (I knew from the size/shape of the tiny wrapped packages that they could be nothing other than cassette tapes ... remember those? ... and I just knew it HAD to be the NKOTB tape that I had been just dying for!).

So, the 11 of us proceeded to open our gifts together and, indeed, they were all cassettes.

I looked at the newly unwrapped tape in my hand, taking in the disturbing picture of the bloody skull where my beloved Joey McIntyre's face should have been, and wondered to myself what exactly this "South of Heaven" could be. I had never heard of it.

I was suddenly jolted out of my daze of confusion by the sound of my older cousin Billy's voice asking in repulsed astonishment ... "New Kids On The Block?!?!?" It seems that grandma had placed the wrong gift tags on the tapes and inadvertently switched my and Billy's presents.

My mother, not wanting to make a fuss and/or embarrass her step-mother-in-law, refused to let us bring grandma's mistake to her attention and would not allow Billy and I to trade our tapes as she (being as unfamiliar with Slayer's new South of Heaven album as I was) was not entirely convinced that any mistake had been made and she thought that us trading our gifts would make us look ungrateful and prove to be a great insult to my grandmother.

So, I ended up with the Slayer cassette and, at the young and pure age of 12, was regaled with lyrical tales of "B*stard sons begetting their c*nting daughters" and "Promiscuous mothers with their incestuous fathers" instead of Hangin' Tough with the New Kids On The Block.

Aaahhhhh ..... memories.

Jaime said...

I was 7 years old and living in Holland. No, I wasn't Dutch, the family was spending a year there in the early '60's.

On Christmas morning I finally opened my last gift. Last because it was the smallest. What was it? Two wieners. Not just any wieners. Marzipan wieners. You see, the Dutch were big on this, and they made the most wonderful things out of this horrible tasting crap, such as food look-alikes, animals, cars, etc. I got wieners. 2 of 'em. I gagged, but forced a smile to my Mom, who eagerly awaited my chomping and swallowing.

It didn't end there, no! About a week later, Mom decided it was time to eat the marzipan wieners. One night for dinner she cooked real wieners, and gave the real wieners to everyone in the family but me. Along with real mashed potatoes I got the fake wieners. At first glance, my famished eyes was ready to plow into them. But then when I noticed the family being so quiet, I studied the plate again and noticed my wieners were paler. And cold.

I cried. Not because I was set up, but because everyone was eating real wieners, except me and I panicked thinking there weren't any real ones left.

I still hate the stuff to this day. Please Santa, no Marzipan for me. Evar!

Liz Murphy said...

I hope I'm not too late getting my comment in - I have a good one! When I was a teenager my grandma had started to show signs of dementia. Now she was never known for the awesome presents she sent for Christmas... she always sent me things I would never use, like a dicky (the sleeveless, non-shirt turtleneck to be worn under things.) But the absolute worse present she ever sent was a pair of her own shoes.
She sent me her worn shoes... I guess because she didn't need them and they were still in good shape. Even if I had wanted to wear them I couldn't have because they were the wrong size. Bummer. So anyway, that was my worst (and greatest in a way - we laugh about it every year) present ever - a pair of my grandmother's hand-me-down heels.

Carmen said...

When Levis were first the rage, I was expecting my first pair under the tree. My stepmother made me a smocked dress and somehow managed to find a matching pair of leotards to go with it.

I had to wear it Christmas day to the houses of all our friends who got Levis....It dorkified me for life. I still have fashion issues because of this 40 years later.