Thursday, October 11, 2007

Boeuf Bourguignon Please. The Floor's Fine.

My mum thinks we should pay her for babysitting.

I countered with the fact that she should pay us for housekeeping, since the kid eats every single thing on her goddamn floor and leaves that house spotless.

I don't get it. It'll literally be minutes after he's eaten, and he'll find something on the floor and shove it in his mouth. He'll spit out the meal I've cooked for him, or throw it off the tray, but god forbid there be a bit of old cookie on the floor. Or paper. Or a dust bunny.

He's taken to doing something new, which is eating *phantom* items off the floor. He'll crawl. Stop. Sit up. Look like he's picking at something. And put it in his mouth. And there's nothing there. But as a parent it still totally freaks you out.


I don't know how to stop it. I thought maybe if I crammed him full of food, he wouldn't be as interested. But that only ended up getting me a kid that makes other people say, "He's only *how* old?"

I remember that to train a dog from chasing cars you're supposed to make it an unpleasant experience. Drive by slow and when the dog starts chasing the car, hose him down with water guns and blast air horns at him.

How can I make eating crap off the floor unpleasant? Scatter the floor with little bits of Roquefort and capers? I know that would make me quit in a hurry.

But it'd be awful if he ended up liking those too. Great. A kid who'll only eat French cuisine off the floor.

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