Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Baby Stomach Flu In Three Acts
Act One: (The family is sleeping on the living room floor. After four rounds of vomiting, the baby is sleeping on a pile of towels. It's some time around 3 am.)
Carol: Hey... get up...
Me: Wha? Huh? Is he throwing up again?
Carol: No. But you should get up and go to bed.
Me: Wha? Why?
Carol: You might as well. Go sleep on the comfortable mattress. Get a good night's sleep.
Me: Wha? Um. But I *was* getting a good night's sleep until you woke me up.
Carol: Oh. Right. Um. Can I go to bed then? Cuz you're snoring and I could really use the rest.
End of Act One.
Act Two: (song sung to the baby during bathtime after a violent blowout. The baby's been having diarrhea about every two hours for two days now. It's about 7 pm. Oh, it's sung to the tune of "I Think I Love You" by the Partridge Family.)
I think I love you,
But stop splashing your shit-water on me,
Because I don't want to get hepatitis B,
Or pinkeye, like we saw in that movie.
End of Act Two.
Act Three: (Some time about 4 weeks from now. In the living room. It'll probably be about 7:30.)
Carol: What's that smell?
Me: I dunno. I got a whiff of it earlier, but couldn't place it.
Carol: It's worse close to the couch... Oh dear god... What the hell is that? How the hell did we forget that in there? Get a bag! Get a bag! Quick!