...And May Allllllll Your Christmases Be Short.

Hey *Mocha*! You know. That's pure genius. I should have timed one of the boy's birthdays to be on Dec. 1. One month of Christmas and that's *it*.

Would you believe that when we got married, I "demanded" that Carol have any and all Christmas decorations down by Dec. 26th? Daunted by the prospect of such a tight deadline, we spent the first three years together with only two stockings on the fireplace and a creepy looking nutcracker on the mantel. Not even a tree! It was heaven.

But in the fourth year, a gust of "Who-the-hell-are-you-to-be-harshing-my-Christmas-mellow?" blew into the house. And the tree went up. And the wreath went on the garage. And cinnamon scented pinecones went on the heater vents. And none of it came down until around New Year's.

I admit I appreciate it now with the kids. Thanks, dear.

But anyways, Mocha, with your $50 credit to the JunkMail Etsy Shop, you can get your Christmas cards, maybe some bulk packs as Christmas gifts and even a birthday card for your son. (Though you might not want him to "screw the happy", y'know?)

Congratulations!

The rest of you, thanks for entering! Make sure you're a fan on Facebook and possibly you could win the same thing as Mocha, but only one card at a time.

Reader Giveaway : O' Christmas Tree

This year's prize?

A $50.00 gift certificate good toward anything in our Etsy shop!

That could be a quite a few holiday gifts scratched off your list.

Rules:

Answer one question: When do you start decorating your home for the holidays? Do you start one minute after Halloween? Or do you wait until the day before you have company over for ChristmasHanukahEidKwanzaSantaLuciaDay?

Post your response and we'll announce the winner on

Friday, November 20th.

Winners will be chosen at random

***Photo courtesy of Awkward Family Photos

Embellished *and* Boxed - what more do you want?

Now you CAN buy love, peace and happiness

Available in the Etsy shop

CLEARANCE

For a very limited time only:

We're clearing out last year's designs and are offering this holiday pack of ten cards for $5.00! Yes, that's only .50 a card! I did the math myself! With a calculator! Shut up!

**********
This generous set of 10 matching cards features the following HateMail favorites:

RESTRAINING ORDER BE DAMNED, I'LL SEE YOU AT CHRISTMAS

TIME TO GET OUT THE FAT PANTS

GIFTS ARE SO 1990

MISTLETOE, SCHMISTLETOE. I'VE GOT MACE

You'll pick your own combination of quotes to make up this fun set. If you have a favorite and would like the same quote on all cards, please let us know in the 'message to seller' when you check out.

If you'd like a larger number of cards, shoot a convo our way and we'll make it happen for you.

Awesome. I know.

Pipeline Dreams

We've got a slew of new products making their way down the pipeline this winter. The release was actually supposed to be during the summer, but this whole stay-at-home-and-work-from-home-with-two-toddlers-literally-clinging-to-your-legs thing is a lot harder than it looks.

For me.

Don't judge.

So, here's a little sneak peek at a couple new designs gracing the Etsy circuit right now:

And They'll Vote Howie Mandel As Their King...

Leaving the pediatrician's office, we got on the elevator with the product of swine flu mania.

We walk up behind this guy, his wife and their brood of three, as they're making their preparations to leave. Alcohol sanitizer up to the wrists and hands held up in front of their faces to let the goop dry.

"Don't touch anything!" he yells at the little one, who looks to be about 3ish and probably has a long history of touching (and eating) things he shouldn't. When the green arrow dings, the five board the elevator like a crack team of surgeons; scrubbed and waiting to be gloved.

The smell of the citrus and rubbing alcohol is strong in the elevator and I wonder if the guy is concerned about the superbug he's creating with his enthusiastic use of hand sanitizer.

I find the idea of a superbug a totally fascinating concept. It's like Darwinism at its finest. Only the strong survive, so eventually we're left with only the ultimate of the species.

Then a thought hits me. What if neurosis is the ultimate trait for humans? What if I'm sitting here mocking this guy's paranoia and *I* end up being the guy who gets knocked out by H1N1 on some random elevator button because I wasn't phobic enough? What if the ultimate specimens of our species, and therefore the only survivors, are knuckle-bumping sleeve-sneezers who use Clorox wipes for Kleenex?

How silly.

But I've started washing my hands whenever I can. Just in case.

Next Year, I'm Giving Out Silverware...

As the big one comes back with bags of goodies, I feel almost cheap for giving out only four of the snack-sized chocolates to each of the trick or treaters who've showed up at our door.  But quite frankly, I've been cursed with small hands and four boxes of Milk Duds pretty much constitutes a handful.  And I don't think I could give out a handful and then one more.  It would have to be two handfuls.  Which seems creepily generous.   Suspiciously generous.  What-are-you-trying-to-prove/hide generous.

I'll stick with my four.  So far it's been sufficient to appease the little thugs enough to avoid any kind of vandalism.

We're not getting many kids this year.  We're not even getting close to touching the "emergency bowl" of candy.  (The stuff I've set aside for personal consumption, but leave close to the door just in case the regular stuff all goes.  In the past four years, a Reese Cup has yet to cross the threshold in the wrong direction.)  

The big one makes three return trips, each time dumping a full bag.  I do the "floor sort".  I'm 26 years rusty, but it's like riding a bicycle and the muscles fall into that familiar groove.  Chocolate in one pile, chips in another, good gummies and candies in a third, then two more unclassifiable piles; one good and one bad.  When we were kids, the black-white-and-orange "witch" candies, toothbrushes and raisins got put in the bad unclassified pile.  Caramel apples, McDonald's coupons and money went into the good unclassified pile.  The McDonald's coupons didn't really belong in the good pile, since no one ever used them, but there was just something good about anything from McDonald's.

This year's unclassified piles were rather odd.  A full size can of warm Coke.  LOTS of full size chocolate bars (which are excluded from the regular chocolate pile based solely out of sheer respect for the awesomeness they represent)  A few KoolAid Jammers.  And a clock. 

A clock.  The kind that tells time.  And hangs on the wall.  I'm not sure how it compares with a caramel apple, but it was definitely at the top of the good pile and the kid was bananas about it.

With my tiny little hands, I can't beat that.  That's worth two handfuls for sure.