Monday, April 14, 2008

My Skin'll Already Be Wrinkly, And I'll Probably Already Stink.

I first started really smoking when I was 15. Sure there was that time I was 7, but I don't think it counts unless you're buying your own.

But by 15, I was nicely settled into my routine and probably up to a pretty consistent half-pack a day. I never really strayed from that half-pack limit; it's about one an hour, except work times, and it's always kind of worked out for me.

"They" always say that you'll quit when you need to. Or when you have the proper motivation. For me, it was the kid. It got to the point where I couldn't possibly feel more ghetto than putting the baby in front of the TV so that I could sneak out for a smoke. So I quit. Used the patch. Worked like a charm.

I still miss it like crazy though. Especially on a day like today. Stressful work, beautiful weather, 20 minute uninterrupted drive home. But I know I shouldn't go back.

So I made a deal with Carol. On my 75th birthday, I'm buying a carton and having the time of my life. Get me an extra large from Dunkin' Donuts and an ashtray and stand back.

Carol says if that's the case, then she's gonna buy herself pounds of Ghirardelli and join in on the festivities.

Oh, it's going to be sweeeeeeet.


girlplease said...

Hmmm my last sinful request would be to be that 75 year old stripper with the ping pong talent at Spring Break.

Hey man, if I'm going down, I'm bringing everyone with me.

fidget said...

When I'm on my way out I want mass quanies of ding dongs, ho hos, hostess cream filled cupcakes, and strawberry short cake rolls- after all this time eating gluten free I wanna blow up my intestines and go out with a lardy wheaty sickening bang

JunkMail said...

Isn't it odd how we're being all good now, while living with these extravagant plans of saying 'screw it' later on?

Though I don't know anything about a ping pong talent. You had me at '75 year old stripper'.

Girl, Please! said...

Yea some things are best left unsaid. Well, when are you updating this blog?

Girl, Please! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Good-Grace said...

Congratulations on quitting smoking. Really. It's a big deal - and I think it's absolutely wonderful that "the kid" was your reason for doing so. Shows lotsa love!!

(fantastic cards, btw!! Just purchased the 20 card set... wooo hoo!!)

JunkMail said...

Thanks so much. But I'm telling ya, 75 can't come a day too soon!

And I hope you love the cards.

Anonymous said...

my grandfather essentially did this very same thing. smoked all the damn time (with a cute little cigarette holder) until he couldnt no-more! he said he loved every minute of it. whoo hoo, fun in old age!

* * * said...

You told the story of my half-finished life in there, though I got a 3-year head start on you; and I quit for each of the kids, managing to not start up again until each of them was at least a year old... I don't smoke in the house, I don't smoke anywhere near my kids because I don't want them to see it (my dad used to smoke at the table while we were eating... ashtray next to my left elbow for every meal), I don't drive anymore, so I don't smoke in the car, I probably smoke about 5 different times a day, and never on the weekends... and when I smoke, I chain it up like some flame-breathing hag who can't get enough. I have been trying to quit and quitting every day for the last 3 years. I have nicotine fits where I can't even remember my own stinking name and rages where I am so blind I'm yelling at the wall for not getting out of the way... and still... those evil things have their claws dug into me so deeply that I break into a cold, palpitating sweat if I think about going to work without one.

I APPLAUD YOUR SUCCESS (however "temporary" you are planning to make it)...

and I love your cards, which is what got me here in the first place.