Friday, November 16, 2007

If You Use A Paper Towel As A Plate, This Recipe Only Messes Up 2 Spoons.

I'm not a great cook.  My goal in cooking is ultimately to minimize dishes.  Everything gets cooked in one pot/pan, which generally also serves as the final serving/eating dish.
My bachelor years were comprised primarily of turkey sandwiches and fried eggs.  Lots of protein.  One dish.

But that's not to say I haven't come up with some fantastic recipes of my own.  Case in point:
Ghetto Pie A La Mode
Toast one slice of white bread.  Not multi-grain, whole wheat, organic or any other crap like that.  The cheapest, mushiest white bread you can find.
Spread 3 tablespoons of applesauce per piece of toast.
Top with vanilla ice cream to make it a la mode.

Now, some may say this sounds awful, or not even like a real recipe, or nothing like pie.  To them I say, the name starts with *ghetto*.  It's not like you weren't warned.  And I beg of you to try it before you put it down.  It can surprisingly hit the spot, and miraculously make 5 year old nieces and nephews shut the hell up when the only other item in your fridge is sliced process cheese.  (don't try to call it cheddar and melt it on your ghetto pie.  That's just taking it too far.)
But now, I guess the scariest part is that I'm the culinary expert of the house.  Discussion from yesterday:

Carol:  Hold on baby, mommy's cooking up something for you.

Me: Whatcha cooking?

Carol:  Oh, I'm heating up a bottle for formula.

Me:  Um.  You're warming up water in the microwave and calling it "cooking"?

Carol:  Shut up.

On the Island of Misfit Toys, even a one-armed, cross-dressing Mr. Potato Head can be king.

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