Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Who Invited Pauly Shore?

It's ironic (in a non-ironic Alanis Morissette kind of way) that when I didn't need a lawn, I had a great lawn.  But now that I have kids I get grubs and moles and big-ass picker weeds that grow 3 feet tall.

I once considered covering the entire property with astroturf.  What an incredible expense, but in the long run I think it would pay off.  Coincidentally, this was also the time I was considering shaving my head and wearing wigs, and pulling out my teeth and getting dentures.  I was going through a real "pro-artificial" phase in my life.

I've just read a story about people in the UK using wallabies as lawn maintenance.  And I thought to myself, "Why aren't we doing this?"  Well maybe not wallabies.  But sheep at least.  Currently, I mow the lawn and bag the clippings and let them compost.  I could be saving on gas, time AND getting a big mutton by the end of the year.  This really flows with my whole "hyper-efficient' philosophy.  It would be even *more* hyper-efficient if I actually liked mutton. 

I could potty train the sheep to only poop in one corner and then have a whole pile of fertilizer to work with.  Which would go back into the grass, or into the garden to help grow tomatoes and cucumbers.

I know that goats make feta, but is there a special lamb cheese?  I'm trying to work things towards the ultimate goal of ending up with a gyro-and-greek-salad biosphere.  Whilst wearing wool socks.

The best part of biodome living?  The grubs and moles wouldn't be allowed.  Well that, and the fact that I could walk around telling Carol, "Hey, those who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones," and it would actually be kind of double entendre-ish.


Northwest Minuteman said...

interesting blog!


Tara said...

I wanna see those potty trained sheep. Just a word to the wise ... your kids will start crappin' on the lawn if they see the sheep doing it. I speak from experience. We don't have sheep in our yard, but we have ducks and dogs. One must definately choose one's steps carefully here.

Lee said...

I know, I know... I should work on potty training the kids before I take on potty training sheep. For some reason, the sheep just seem like they'll be easier.

Rizzyred said...

In Tennessee this isn't as outlandish of a concept as you might imagine. I do know someone that had a goat for yard maintenance and then promptly got rid of it when they realized how unbelievably annoying they are.

Now I don't know about Sheep, but my guess would be that they probably make just as much noise and are just as hard to potty train (do they make pull-up with a tail cut out?). And I'm a fan of goat cheese and feta... but something about the term "lamb cheese" makes me throw up a little.

Lee said...

Haha, yeah, there's some things in the world that we're not intended to eat the cheese of.

Like cats.